Important Questions

How do mermaids blow their nose? Do they have tissues, handkerchiefs?

Do they get colds?

Could a mermaid even get an upper respiratory infection?

Do fish get colds? Do they sneeze?

If they sneeze, do they sneeze out their gills? Does that make them swim forward faster?

Do giraffes sneeze? If they sneeze, does it make noise?

How far does the snot fly if they have a rifle barrel like that?

When cats sneeze, they usually make a cute little “TSSS!” noise. Do big cats do that, or do they have different sneezes?

If a mouse could sneeze, would it be audible to human ears?

Do birds sneeze? If a bird sneezed while it was flying, would that really fuck it up?

These are the important questions that occur to my wife and I before we fall asleep at night. She was concerned she’d spend all day investigating animal sneezes on YouTube.