Today begins our twice-annual Disaster Recovery testing scenario, where we pretend a disaster has occurred and we have to go restore everything at our DR datacenter. Well, when I say we I mean everyone but me, since it took me three months to get my system installed. I just get to stay behind and hold down the fort while everyone else scurries.

But of course this effort is stupid: in a real disaster we wouldn’t have been planning for two months before it happened. These little rituals are just here to keep upper management appeased, to pretend we’re doing something. And with that in mind, I’ve decided on a new career path, which is that of an IT Shaman.

I’ll wear a skull necklace and face paint and crap, and burn “herbs” and “incense” in my cubicle. Middle managers can come to me and ask if a project will happen on time and under budget. After reminding them that the almighty 8-ball needs a sacrifice of a bonus, we will consult it. And what the hell, get a chicken and I’ll try my hand at auguries too.

It’s not like it’s any dumber than a well-planned disaster.