There’s not a politician alive, and precious few dead, who can claim never to have lied during the course of their career. As a service to the world, I will take a moment to clear up a couple of items casting a shadow over the presidential election.

Contrary to the beliefs of much of the blogosphere, John McCain is not, in fact, a zombie. Nor is he any form of undead construct, aka a “Golem”. There is no evidence to support claims that he feasts on brains, babies, or the blood of rats. Similarly, Sarah Palin is not a succubus, though she has seduced men for the express purpose of feeding on their life energy. Her campaign describes this as ‘merely a hobby and not indicative of any relationship with the demonic armies of Hell.’

And despite the claims of the McCain campaign, Barack Obama is not secretly the “Mad Arab” Abdul Alhazred, author of the Necronomicon, a fabled book of the dead. Obama is not descended from Alhazred, his middle name is not Alhazred, and he did not ‘pal around’ with Alhazred in college. Obama has also not been endorsed by the dark gods Yog-Sothoth or Cthulhu. Spokescreatures for Shub-Niggurath have not yet responded to inquiries regarding his political stance.