That’s the working title of my new ‘This Old House’-inspired DIY show focused on fixing all the assorted bullshit in my low-income house from the late 80s.

I moved in here ten years ago. At the time I bought it I was young, full of ready-to-have-my-own-damn-turf-ness, and on a distinctly lower income than I am now. Yeah, we knew the place wasn’t perfect, but noplace really would be.

Since then we’ve had to replace 100% of the plumbing short of the water heater itself, and the roof (we saw that one coming at least), and patched up the yard, and started replacing fixtures and faucets and outlets and switches, added screens, replaced ancient garage door openers, etc. We know it needs new flooring throughout, a great deal of drywall patching, completely new siding, new doors interior and exterior, replaced windows, probably a new HVAC, etc. All of which we haven’t gotten to yet.

And now it’s developed a wiring problem that could indeed be very severe, disrupting my trust in one of the two major home functions (the other being the gas line) that hasn’t been a concern, or replaced.

The kicker here is that thanks to the economic collapse, the site that used to give me the generous valuation estimation is now saying the place is worth 40% of what I paid for it, putting me way the fuck underwater in addition to needing all of this work. My income has improved dramatically and I can afford the fixes now, but I’ll never see that money again in a resale. Ever. To the point where I might sell it and get the value of the repairs back, and nothing for the house.

Walking away from the mortgage has been on my mind for years but I’d previously wanted very much to stick it out, come what may. But this is just too damn much. I dunno. I guess we’ll see.