A survey has shown that 45% of Americans would rather just skip Christmas.

See? I’m not the only weirdo here. Unfortunately the reason the article gives is mostly because people are feeling the financial pinch. As opposed to me and my ilk who are merely sick of the faux-bon amie and obnoxious overindulgence in Christmas “spirit”, by which I mean a desperate attempt to appear to be exuding more of said spirit out of ever pore than the next person. Like it’s some kind of contest. Like we have to pretend to enjoy the horrible forced anti-vacation of heading to Aunt Ethyl’s place wearing a godawful Christmas sweater that somehow gives voice to the lie that everyone is having fun and not at all awkward with Uncle Jake quaffing inappropriate amounts of heavily alcoholic eggnog, and yet simultaneously wishing to join him in his tipsidaisical reverie, a woozy simulacrum keeping out that horrible, horrible “cheer”. 

Sounds like a plan. Heard of a few recipes for traditional Christmas drinks and hey, if it’s tradition, it doesn’t count as alcoholism.

Buck’s Fizz

It’s like a fancy Mimosa. You get some champagne goblets. Pour a teeny amount of triple-sec in the bottom (an addition by the great and wise Oz Clarke), then fill halfway with champagne or sparkling wine. Then top off with orange juice. Serve at breakfast. No, really.

Wassail

Yes, the kind you get blitzed on before going Wassailing. It’s a mulled cider: get a nice pot of hard apple cider a bubbling on the stove. Add orange slices, cinnamon sticks, nutmeg, a bit of ginger, and oh yes, brandy. Seen them go with gin instead of brandy, too.

Although Alton Brown has another recipe that sounds interesting.

Hot Buttered Rum

Two ounces of spiced or dark rum, two sugar cubes, and a mug of water, hot so that the sugar dissolves. Add a pat of butter and stir in. Bam.