In the earlier part of… oh, err, last decade I guess, there was a reasonably popular MMO game called Planetside. Unlike most MMOs, this one was geared towards widespread first person shooting action with plenty of vehicular mayhem in a futuristic blah blah blah. Shoot guys with lasers game. Fun. I enjoyed it a great deal, up until they introduced the in-game advertising at which point I decided the atmosphere of a distand planet in the far future was rather ruined by spawning at our headquarters to see Deuce Bigalow 2: European Gigolo posters everywhere.

No, really. That happened. And that was when I quit.

But because there are no new ideas anywhere, the makers finally got around to introducing Planetside 2, now with less movie advertising and more microtransactions. I’ve been back into the swing of it for the past month. As is normal for me and such game I’ve so far spent most of my time sniping: find a secluded spot, wait for bad guys, fire, swear loudly as you miss, try again, die, repeat. It’s fun.

Another option, however, is the Light Assault trooper with real jump-jet action. Suddenly you’ve got a super-mobile jerkwad that’s all over the goddamn place, hard to hit, spazzing out like a caffeinated squirrel. I’ve been having tremendous fun with this, to the point where I’ve created my own superhero: SKY ASSHOLE.

In this week’s adventure, our intrepid SKY ASSHOLE jets up to a ledge where a batch of snipers has gathered to harass an incoming assault. With one foe having seen him, SKY ASSHOLE guns down a single poor loser, then tosses explosives and fires wildly, killing several others before jetting off to safety. And shortly after, he returns with more explosives and repeats the process, clearing the ledge! 

Such are the dangers of ignoring the jackass known as…. SKYYYYYY ASSHOLLLLLLE!

I want to make a Saturday morning cartoon now….