Modern Heraldry

After stumbling across an article showing off some of the British noble coats of arms and personal crests, I got to searching for my own again. There was a particular one I remember, and found, but of course the search revealed that there are a metric billion different ones for my family name. Clan intermarriage, spotty record-keeping, and dozens of families claiming different crests for the same family history gets it all muddled into utter uselessness.

I propose we start over with more useful modern symbolism. Pheasants and boars’ heads are all well and good, and history/tradition blah blah, but ultimately any connection I ever had to it is so hopelessly diluted by now that it’s meaningless. Surely we can do a better job by simply starting over.

My shield will be grey, with a crimson saltire (X) with four white hands, giving the finger. A set of headphones will replace the helm, surrounded by mantling of Cat5 cable. Joysticks stand in support to either side. Crossed soldering irons sit below the shield, above the motto “MIHI MOLESTUS NE SIS” (don’t bother me).