The Things You’ll See

While waiting to do a u-turn at an intersection I saw someone angrily pull out and pull around a big red land cruiser coming in the opposite direction. The thing was moving very slowly… actually, let’s say it was at a stately pace appropriate for its age and luxurious appeal. When I finally made my u-turn and pulled into the fast food restaurant of choice, it happened to be ahead of me in line.

Closer inspection revealed that it was a Chrysler Fifth Avenue, and it wasn’t in pretty shape. My suspicion was confirmed as its driver stopped too-far away from the speaker. A vastly fat arm shoved the door fully open to speak to the device: the window was clearly stuck. Further, it was jammed into place with something stuck between the frame and the pane. The order was placed in that sort of “I don’t give a shit if you can understand my dialect or not” southern drawl that is typically heard a great distance from the nearest state highway.

The order was long and I assumed the height of the car compared to my nimble hatchback was hiding a plethora of barely-sentient children who find they do not kinder to many things. Ordering for three, my order took perhaps a third of the time.

When we both pulled around to the window the driver again left room for the door between the car and the wall, but where you might expect the person simply to reach through the gap, the woman got out and stood proudly to conduct the transaction. From her enormous bluejeans came a wallet that was unquestionably larger than my fist. Once payment was made the woman took the time to scour the concrete below for coins: she found several and plucked them unabashedly, her mullet waving in the breeze.

I was genuinely startled when there was nothing but a small bag handed to her, after which she got into the car and, with a squeal of ancient hinges and an uncomfortable SLAM of the door, she drove away. Eventually my items arrived and I pulled around to exit to the road, but not without noticing that the woman had parked in the parking lot and was eating alone.

¬†All and all it was a stunning display of American pride. I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or not.